What I Didn't Expect

When I wrote my last blog, I expected to get both good and bad feedback. I expected that some Christians would feel like they were being accused. I had hoped that people who knew me could maybe see some of the struggles I have been through in my life. I hoped that people could see that I am happy and at peace. I had a lot of expectations. I had counted the cost of the consequences of being honest and vulnerable about myself. I knew some people would accuse me of writing that blog now

that my mom had passed away. The truth is, I've been planning that blog for about eight months.

In all of these expectations, planning, and thinking through all the scenarios, something beautiful happened that I did not expect. To fully understand it, you'd have to know that I was super involved in my church, and I taught Sunday school to 5th and 6th graders for 16 years. I had a lot of capacities over that time, including service oversight, writing curriculum, building a leadership training program, leading retreats, leading small groups, and sitting and listening as they talked about the tough things happening in their homes during my time of service. We didn't just meet in a casual setting like many Sunday school classes of our day. We sat and read scripture and struggled with the tension it set. We learned about service and how to serve others. We even went to Walmart and prophesied and prayed for people. They would ask the big questions and engage on how a loving God could allow so much pain on the earth. So to say that I was shocked to hear from my former students, who are now 17-32, would be an understatement.

This was the first group of leaders that went through the program.

Since that blog came out and a little bit before, I've had about ten students enter back into my life. One said, "Mr. Broc, I had no idea you were gay, but I wanted you to know I am too." Others wanted me to know that they were in relationships with trans people, were trans, or were struggling in their faith because their sexuality didn't align with lousy theology. I was encouraged to hear about their beautiful stories, even how they loved having had me in their lives at one point. I had counted that all as loss. It's not new to be in contact with students that I had in Sunday school. The program that we were in created a very tight-knit group of disciples in an intensive two-year time. The leadership group I led was a weekly meeting where we learned what it was like to be a leader. So this group I was very, very close to because I watched them grow into the incredible leaders they were. It is some of the most fulfilling and excellent work I've ever done in my entire life. When that season was over, it was tough to set it down. Now to hear from the kids that they are continuing to be the incredible leaders that they are, changing their communities, showing the love of God, and being just as incredible as they were in fifth and sixth grade, is not what I expected to see and hear when I shared my truth. I guess I shouldn't be surprised because they are leaders, showing me how much they are still today.

It has been incredible to hear how students have come around on their faith and been open and affirming to those who they love around them. Many of them have left the evangelical church and found refuge in open and affirming churches in the communities in which they live. What I love most is that most of them have stayed the course, and like me, their coming out has brought them closer to God.

I will say that as much as I loved this experience, my heart shattered to think about what would happen if these kids didn't have someone. The oppressive system that brought us together could have been hard for them like it was for me. That dynamic is not lost on me, and I encourage all of them to be as happy and proud of themselves as I am of them.

The other situation I didn't see was my friends calling me as their children came out. Around six friends called me and asked me what to do and how to react to the news that their children were gay. These phone calls are usually met with tears, parents who had these expectations of what their life would look like, and this news changed it completely. I always tell parents that it's OK to mourn the loss you feel with your child coming out. I caution them that they need to remember, though, that this is the biggest, most vulnerable thing their children have said to them. I talk about how much courage it takes their children to stand up and say, "I am gay," to people who have no idea how they will react.

My goal will always be that no child ever has to go through what I went through.

The parents feel guilty for the stress they feel about their children, and the children feel guilty because they feel they've disappointed their parents. I always try to talk to parents about the fact that they didn't fail their kids. I also explained that they have to ensure their child understands that it's OK for them to be who they are. These are all significant changes in your family dynamic, but it doesn't change that that's your child and that you're their parent. I even say things like, "I know that your upbringing and your faith experience has told you that God doesn't make children or people gay, but I think what you're gonna find over these next few years is that your child being gay as a gift." As much as a shock to hear your child's coming out, I know there is a moment when this becomes what you believe. There are those parents who disown or send their children to conversion therapy. I ALWAYS advocate that nothing is wrong with your child; something is wrong with your theology if you think those things.

So, to all the students that I've had over the years. Please know I'm still your biggest fan. I'm still a safe place for you to work out the tough questions you have for God. Please know I have never stopped praying for you. You weren't just a two-year assignment. I reflect on our time together and how much we learned what it means to be the hands and feet of God.