Painting Pictures of Egypt

Recently, my parish studied bluegrass music and its relationship to exile, as outlined in the Old Testament for a Lenten Series. It was fascinating how the study connected the two seemingly unrelated ideas. I was really into this study, but I adore bluegrass and love almost all types of music, so it was an easy sell. The study examined how so much bluegrass music harkens back to despair and dry spaces in our lives.  

During that time, I thought about the songs and places I go when I feel in exile or stressed. Sometimes, I lean into Joni Mitchell. Her music always gives me a perspective that helps me through a tough time. The song Facelift on the Taming The Tiger album, I wore out when I was going through a tough time with my mom. The song is about a contentious relationship between a mother and a child. The chorus is, "Oh, let's be nice, momma, open up your gifts. You know, happiness is the best facelift." It's a beautiful song, and it helped me a lot when my mom and I were not seeing eye-to-eye on my sexuality. 

In the season I am in, which is finding myself single after a while, I thought out the song that I have loved for more than two decades, Painting Pictures of Egypt by Sara Groves. I go back to this song over and over when I am in an in-between season. You know, those seasons, when something ends by the next thing hasn't started. It can be frustrating as you stand on that line of ended and not begun. It can confuse you, and you can even start to doubt you're on the right path. 

The song opens with these lines:

"I don't want to leave here

I don't want to stay

It feels like pinching to me

Either way

And the places I long for the most

Are the places where I've been

They are calling out to me

Like a long lost friend."

How many times has this been true in your life? Sometimes, it takes a dose of reality to see that this in-between moment can feel raw, awkward, and like pinching. I know that this rings true in so many places in my life. I can relate to the feelings of this song so much.  

But the real magic of this song is the verse: 

"I've been painting pictures of Egypt

Leaving out what it lacks

The future feels so hard

And I want to go back

But the places that used to fit me

Cannot hold the things I've learned

Those roads were closed off to me

While my back was turned."

This has spoken to me so many times in my life. When I read the account of the Exodus in the Old Testament and get to the part where the Israelites have had it, they say, "Let us appoint a leader and go back to Egypt." I, as the reader, almost want to laugh at the fact that they want to go back into slavery rather than go into the Promised Land. It would be funny, but it speaks to how troubling the wilderness is to them. Often, this in-between season can feel like a wilderness. But I love the song's lyrics because they beautifully capture the Israelites' mindset. They had painted a picture of their old life, where they were comfortable, but left out the whole we were slaves part. I am so good at doing this. I can look back at things I don't want to let go of with the fondest and most romanticized view. I can make it look like things were perfect, yet they were not good for me. I can make it look like a dream while it was a nightmare. 

Growth can make you play a game of chicken with your future. I think about when my kids had one of those overnight growth spurts. They put on their clothes to get ready for school or church, and their clothes are so small they look uncomfortable. In those moments, you find out what you're made of. Will you get uncomfortable to get to the next place, or will you shrink back? I have shrunk back a lot of times in my life when I have been faced with these things. I can find myself siding with the Israelite's thoughts as they work through the tension of growth. I get the idea that things weren't so bad while lying to myself about how bad things were. If you don't move forward through that growth, you'll look like your kids when they have outgrown their clothes. The places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned..... oh, that line.  

The waiting seasons are challenging, too. I have had them many times in my life, but I have learned to posture myself in more effective headspace, heart, and emotional space. In the waiting, I have been known to be the bemoaning. I like what the song's bridge says: 

"If it comes too quick

I may not appreciate it

Is that the reason behind all this time in the sand?

And if it comes to quick

I may not recognize it

Is that the reason behind all this time in the sand?"

If God and Him in your life is anything, it's all about timing. It always is excruciating when the timing is correct. It's hard when you feel like you are on the sidelines of life and just like, put me in coach. Timing is the key to exiting the in-between. It's the timing of the next thing, and you know what? It's also about rest and healing!   

I will not paint pictures of Egypt and leave out what it lacks; I will face the future, look forward, adapt, and keep myself accountable.  

Vaya con Dios!

-b

I know some of you reading this will want to hear this song, so I have linked it here: CLICK HERE