Why is pain a cycle?

I have been on a real season of self-discovery. 2020 started out with me having what Brene Brown calls a midlife unraveling. This introspective time has been super cathartic and challenging. I liken the inward work to going to the gym, often when I am checking into the gym, I feel like I want to go home. When I leave I am always glad I went. This is the inward work. It's hard, it's dark at times, but it's also becoming the better self you deserve.

I have learned so much about the person that I am because I know that when I am standing in the truth of who I am, it doesn't matter the thoughts or words of others. This doesn't mean the words don't often hurt when they are spoken, but they lose their power.

See pain is cyclical. You are pained, you get in the cycle, and then you are pained and on-and-on endlessly. Understanding your pain cycle is so important. When you learn what causes you pain, you can rise above and stop the cycle.

What is a pain cycle? It's simply put words, actions, or behavior that causes you to act out, harm yourself, or medicate. The term medicate is not medicine, but it can be. It's more like the idea of abusing substances in order not to feel that pain. So something happens, you react in the wrong way, and you start spinning in your cycle. It's tough, it's hard, but when you recognize it, you get the power back. Pain cycles are notorious for extracting power from the individual, but when you are armed with the knowledge, you take back the power. Pain cycles are what people who are gaslighters use to trigger you and then accuse you of being the crazy one. Get in to see a counselor and let walk through this with you, because you are worth it!

The numbing has a cycle too. We numb to not feel, but there is no way to compartmentalize the numbing. You numb the pain, agony, and hurt, but you numb the good things like joy or happiness. Then, you have no joy or happiness so you numb to avoid that feeling and the cycle starts all over. Substance abuse is something that starts out as an innocent thing, just want to take the edge off. The problem is then you've started a pattern of taking the edge off. So when it gets unbearable, and it always does, you have to take the edge off. While sitting in your feeling, feeling your feeling, and feeling the hurt is not fun, there is not a way to remove them other than to go through them. Even if you suppress them, numb them, or what have you, they will come out. They will come out while you're driving and someone cuts you off, while you're friends and you are having a discussion and you lose your cool, or when you're working on a project and the wheels come off. SIT in your feelings. Let them wash over you because unprocessed emotions will catch up to you. Also, speak to them, find people with whom you can be honest, and then share.

I have lived through unspeakable pain, but you know what happens when I speak about it? It loses its power over me. Shame is the same story. Recently, someone tried to shame me, and I immediately recognized that I wasn't going to yield that power. I reeled in my pain cycles and I didn't let them engage. Now, that has taken me almost a year to get there, and I am still guilty of blowing it. Then it's a lesson in not beating yourself up, but recognizing that you still have growth.

Let's be honest, there is always a need to learn and grow. If you aren't learning, you are slowly dying. Growth is something that you will do for your entire life. A good way to know your pain cycle is to look at what makes you react. Start there, then look inside yourself. Then you have to begin the work of the peace cycle. This is reminding yourself of who you are. I continually tell myself this little mantra: "I am worthy of God's love." When you stand in the truth of who you are, you stop the pain cycle and you begin to be an actor, not a reactor.

Find peace. Stand in peace. Stand in the truth of who you are. When you do this, you will begin to see yourself as worthy. Only then can you thrive. This is is the goal!