How I lost 60 lbs. and found myself at the same time

If you by chance clicked on this blog thinking there is a quick way to get this done, you have landed on the wrong blog. I do not subscribe to the take a magic pill, do the trendy diet thing to lose weight. Did I change my diet, you bet, but do I diet, no. My goal was not to lose weight as much as it was to be healthy through and through. There are a lot of "get skinny quick" schemes out there, and magic elixirs that promise to make you whatever you want, this is not that story. So, spoiler alert initiated. I also should go ahead and warn you that this is my story, and I am no medical professional so you shouldn't just go out and do what I have done without talking to your doctor.

There hasn't been a time in my life that I can remember not feeling super insecure or ashamed of my weight. That needs to be stated up front because I know many who have felt the same way. Many of you have seen me at my heaviest and thought nothing of it. The thing is, my inner monologue was not saying that all. Those little gremlins, as Brené Brown calls them, will get you to thinking the wrong things about yourself. Also, I am going to reference Brené Brown a lot throughout this blog, it's because I read her book The Gifts of Imperfection. I highly suggest that you read it.

It all started with my work getting us a discount on a gym membership. I remember thinking, this sounded good, the gym is literally like 10 blocks from the office and we get wellness time to workout. I know that is not what everyone can do, but again this is my story. I started slow, just using the elliptical because running was for barbarians. I just told myself, do what you can, and no more. Luckily this was during 2019's March Madness, so I would watch a game while I was doing cardio. Before I knew what was going on, I had gone 2 miles. That's my first time. Do what you can, and find something that distracts your mind from doing what you're doing. I listen to podcasts while I am running or doing any cardio exercises. (I know a really good one you can listen to, it's called This Is The Panhandle and you can listen here: THIS IS THE PANHANDLE) (yes that's a plug, but it is my blog!)

Then there was the food part. Because that's the thing, if you want to be healthy, then you have to look at what you're eating. Food was my addiction. I love food. I found pleasure in food, I got the dopamine hit from eating food. It was a very unhealthy relationship. When someone has an alcohol problem, they can stop drinking alcohol, but when you have a food addiction, you still have to have food to survive. I learned about healthy food, that I made, and knew what was in it. I started intermittent fasting. Now, before you roll your eyes, I have to say this was my secret sauce. This helped me focus on how much I depended on food to fill more than than just my stomach. When I was separated from food, I had to find other coping mechanisms, healthy ones, like let myself feel emotions and not stuff them in a footlong sandwich from Subway. Something clicked in my head. I began to really crave eating healthy food. I found Tabitha Brown and Vegan foodie. (Her carrot bacon will change your life) (and no, I am not a Vegan)

I also started seeing a counselor, and I began further inward work. This is VITAL. You have to do this. AGAIN, this is not about losing weight it's about becoming the person you were meant to be. Counselors are a Godsend, or at least mine is. Every week I just tell them everything about my life, and we work through pains and traumas. This is when I started to understand myself at a level that I never have. I saw the inner child and how that little kid needed to be validated. Inward work is just like going to the gym or working out. When I walk in, I am usually in a bad mood and don't want to be there, but when I leave, I feel so much better. Work through the junk. It's so worth it. I realized who I really am in Christ, and I started to believe what He says about me. Prayer, meditation, Biblical study are all parts of my life that created a spiritual awakening. Brené Brown calls this not a mid-life crisis, but a spiritual awakening. THAT is exactly how I would describe this.

I started practicing yoga. I know, there are a lot of critics about this. I mainly did it because I started running more and I felt like it would help me stretch more. Was I ever wrong, it has really been something that I needed in this season. This was also suggested by my counselor because we store past hurts and traumas in our bodies and yoga opens you up. There are certain moves/poses that make me cry, and I don't know why, but every time I do that pose I get emotional. Yoga helps me slow down and focus on breathing and listening to my body. There are some spiritual aspects to yoga that I don't really get into, but I think it's fine if you do. There are a ton of free courses out there online.

Here I was going along realizing how much progress was being made, and then the global pandemic of COVID-19 swept across this country and people were immediately experts on infectious diseases, and constitutional law. Yes, that is our Facebook newsfeeds for what seems like forever. I got a new office, in my home, and I felt 100% isolated. I felt suffocated under the weight of this thing, then I realized that I had to do something. So, I put on my running shoes and started to run. I didn't really have a reason, I just found it to be the right thing at the moment. When you couple up that fact that I am an extrovert and now working from home, I knew I needed something to focus on during that time. I knew that going to the gym was good for my attitude, stress, and anxiety, so I figured if the gym is closed my shoes are still open. I ran. I ran. I ran. I started out going a mile or two (not running the whole time) and gradually added another half a mile here and there. I realized this was more than just running. This was freedom. I promise that's not pie-in-the-sky. My mind could think while also doing 5 miles at a time. It's really how I felt. I mean I just kept going and going. Then one of my coworkers shared a 10K that benefited children of first responders, and I signed up. I have never run the fill 6.2. miles that are a 10K, but I thought what's another mile. It's a lot in case you're wondering. The cool thing about running this race is that you got put into a Facebook Group of people that are all encouraging each other, sharing best practices, and just being the coolest folks around. The day came, and I started. I knew I needed a big distraction because, at the starting line, it's overwhelming to think about the distance in front of you. I created an amazing playlist of Brené Brown's Unlocking Us podcasts. I finished the race and posted my picture to the group. They were amazing. That's another tip, find your tribe and listen to the people who encourage you. The thing about it that I really appreciate is that it was virtual, so I ran wherever I was. There was no crowd cheering, there was no big start, it was just me and my music running. The fanfare of it all would have created unnecessary tension and performance demands that I frankly don't think I would like.

What happens next?

My pallet has changed. I don't like the foods I used to. Like cake and cookies are actually not that appealing. Ice cream is still my fave, but I understand how much I have to run to burn that off so I don't overdo it. I don't give myself cheat days. That tactic doesn't work for me. I am in-tune with my body. I have a lot of mental clarity. I am at peace. I understand who I am, and more importantly, I am keenly aware of who I am not. Anxiety tries, but the running actually makes it go away. Cortisol stores in your body, and breathing deep (which you do by running) releases it. CHECK THIS OUT FOR MORE. I have learned to trust the process, that the whole person is what God wants in us, not the healthy body and wrong thinking or visa versa. That's my final tip, it's about all of you, not just the parts you don't like. When you stand in the truth of who you are, you begin to believe that truth. I am not running for anything or anyone, but for myself. It is my instrument of grief.

Turns out, I really like who I am. In case you think this blog is the end, it isn't. I am currently and will always be a work in progress. I have not arrived at a destination, but I am awake. I do know who I am. These are the gifts of this season. These are the pearls, these are the things that are worth much more than what the scale says. There is not a magic pill, but you have all the magic you need inside of you!

Running specifics

If you don't like running, and I hated it, the first thing you need to do is get shoes that compliment your run. In Amarillo we have a fantastic store, Get Fit. The employees are kind, and they will fit you in the right shoe. Pro-tip: you should NEVER run in any Nike shoe. The right shoe keeps you from having injuries, it's worth the investment. (you only have one set of knees) I run in Brooks. The other thing you have to build into your workouts is stretching. YOU HAVE TO DO THIS! Stretch after every run for a long time. This also minimizes injuries. I also bought a foam roller to use for stretching too. Also, for me having a goal doesn't motivate me, and I am okay with that, but you might find that signing up for something will give you motivation. Here's where I ran my 10K: Medal Dash. In Amarillo, you can run the Hope and Healing Place Half Marathon, that's my next 10K.