Circling Back Full Circle

What in the world has happened to me. Have you ever asked yourself this question? I had a surreal moment during my Sunday church service this weekend. This week begins the Lenten season, and for the first time in my life, I am actually going to participate in Ash Wednesday and all that Lent has for me.

There was a time and place in my life where I would joke about reminding myself that they knew they had ashes on their heads. God, in His infinite wisdom and his impeccable sense of humor, I will be one of the ash heads this week. I like to call it full circle. This season of figuring it out has been both cathartic and gut-wrenching. I think that's why I have loved it so much. Looking back only to see how far I have come has been one of the major gifts.

Yes, I realize this is my first one, but I have done a lot of reading, and I realize that it's not just about the taking (fasting) away of things but also the adding of things that bring you back to that first love. As I feel my heart overwhelmed with getting it right in the middle of this season, I am reminded that Lent is not a terrible season. It's a season when I move the rudder in the boat to get back on the path. It's a heart check, not a punishment. It's to be lived in not endured. It's forward, always, forward. Here's to rekindling the fire we all carry. Let's walk on in all humility.

As a former religious snot, I thought I knew everything, and as one friend pointed out, we were heavily drinking the Koolaide. I reminded them that I was on staff, so I had a hand in actually mixing the Koolaide. I so believed that the Protestant Church and the catholic (notice the little "c") church were just godless ritualistic institutions of complacency. I know, the arrogance was out of control. That's why joining the Episcopalian Church has been such a humorous and glorious experience all the way through. God has a funny way of showing the mirror of your absolute delusion to move you to the place He has for you. To my complete surprise, the rituals the church offers bring peace and are very much rooted in reverence.

Faith is believing in something that you may not even see. This season let us all walk the walk of faith. I am personally taking time every day to read Brené Brown's new book, Atlas of the Heart. I will also be working my way through Memento Mori by Erin Moon. Here's where you can get more details on that: CLICK HERE

Onward.