A funny thing happened on the way through the pandemic

Wow, 2020, right?  I think this has been some of the most confusing times that I can personally say that I've lived through.  Yes, 9/11 was a dramatic terrible tragedy but this pandemic seems awfully weird.  I guess I feel like after 9/11 the country became closer, but the COVID-19 pandemic is not doing this at all.  It's safe to say that much of that might be because social media didn't exist in 2001.

I have been listening to Brené Brown's podcast Unlocking Us, it came out right at the right time for this pandemic.  In one of the episodes she talks to David Kessler about grief.  The biggest thing I got out of that conversation is that people are grieving about COVID and not because of death, but because of the loss of "normal."  We all know that deep down inside the normal that was before the crisis is gone.  I think I have seen that in many of my friends and colleagues throughout this season.  Anxiety is high, uncertainty is high, and all of a sudden we are homeschooling.

It hasn't been easy, but it has brought some really great things to the forefront. In my work at the Amarillo  Area Foundation, I have seen firsthand just how incredible people are.  Nonprofit organizations changing what they do for this season to meet the need, donors giving generously to help their neighbors, and the medical community rising to the challenge.

I have been waiting to share this, but two weeks ago I found myself in the emergency room at BSA in Amarillo.  I had been on antibiotics that had failed and a secondary infection began to take over my body. The ER, was high anxiety, you could feel it in the air.  I was a very scary time, the ER doctor said, "I am so glad you came in today, with your white blood cell count where it is, tomorrow you probably would have been in ICU."  THAT hit like a sucker punch to my gut! I was admitted, and all I wanted to do was pull the blanket over my head and fly a white flag.

I hadn't planned on going to the hospital so I literally had nothing, I was too advanced for urgent care at that point.  I didn't even have a charge cord for my phone.  While I realize that sounds small and contrite, remember that no one could come to see me.  I had my family bring me one, which they had to leave at the front of the hospital and it was delivered to me.

Just then I realized that I had downloaded Rita Springer's new song Landslide. I hadn't even listened to it, I did it while I was waiting for my room in the ER.  I thought, okay, let me just sit here for a minute and ask God what's going on.  I played that song and wept for about 30 minutes.  I took deep cleansing breaths and began to realize that this time might be a gift.

Since no one could come to see me, I immediately began talking to the nurses.  I asked them questions about COVID, how they felt.  You could feel the anxiety.  They began to share about their experiences and how they felt.  I prayed with some of them and got to understand what they were really feeling.  It was a very special time.

Every nurse and doctor shared a few things that I thought were very eye-opening for me.  1.  They don't like it when we say, "you signed up for this."  Each in their own way said, we did sign up to be medical professionals, but we didn't sign up to be ill-equipped and put our families at risk.  2. If you think your company policies are changing during this time, I would be not as much as theirs is on sometimes an hourly basis.  3. They are just as anxiety-ridden as many of us are because the information is changing on a daily basis. 

There were two nurses that I had two days in a row and they both came down and just stayed in my room to and we talked about life right now.  It was a very special moment to hear about their families and how they have concerns about their children's safety.  They also have a crazy routine as they get home to protect their family.

It was a long three days, and I had my family bring my laptop so I could actually work from my hospital bed, not because I am a dedicated employee, but because I didn't want to go crazy.  Luckily, we were already working remotely.  I did conference calls, staff meetings, and zoom meetings all from my hospital bed.  I am not a hero, I just know what my mental health needed at that moment.  The distraction.

What I learned in all of this is that we cannot plan everything, but we can be open and willing.  Sure, I would like to learn that lesson another way, but I am glad I met the nurses and have the perspective of this mess that I do.

So, just wear your dang mask.